Starting Work
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Formal Address
February 23, 2011
Last week, I thoroughly enjoyed one of my more unique engagements. A gentleman, a married father of four, had participated in one of my business etiquette presentations six or seven years ago. He called several weeks ago and asked if I would meet with him and his family. All of us, he said, could use a reminder of the importance of good manners. The more practical tips I could offer, he said, the better.
My contact picked me up at the local airport. On our drive to the family home, I asked, “Would you prefer I introduce myself as ‘Mary’ or ‘Ms. Crane’?” Without hesitation he responded, “Ms. Crane,” and that is exactly how his children, who ranged in school age from third grade to high school senior addressed me.
The use of social titles, including “Mr.,” “Mrs.,” and “Ms.,” seems to have largely disappeared at the end of the last Century. When I was a child, had I, or any of my friends, addressed an adult by his or her first name, we would have received a good thump on the back of our little heads. The same cannot be said of the generations that have followed.
This shift in the formality in how children address adults may be having a major impact in the workplace. Younger employees, who have grown up addressing everyone by their first names, don’t see the existence of hierarchies at work. “Boss, schmoss,” a Millennial might say. We’re all the same.
A recent doctor’s visit reminded me that in certain venues informality can be both belittling and patronizing. Last month, I visited a local imaging center for my bi-annual mammogram, a test I’ve never particularly enjoyed because, let’s face it, the exam involves someone I don’t know touching me in a very intimate area. This year’s exam was made that much more uncomfortable by a technician who felt comfortable addressing me as “my dear.” After 15 minutes of seething, I finally told the technician, “You may call me ‘Mary” or ‘Ms. Crane.’ You may not call me ‘my dear.’”
When you start work as an intern, summer associate or new hire, keep the following rule of thumb in mind: When meeting a client or customer for the very first OR when meeting someone who is obviously significantly older, use more formal social titles. At a very minimum, be prepared to recognize that some people may prefer a less informal approach to their interactions with you.
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