When A Co-Worker Is In Pain

Earlier this week, I flew into Kansas City, grabbed a car and then drove about three hours to a long ago planned meeting. Throughout my drive, I shuffled through my listening options in search of something that might keep my mind engaged.

Eventually, I found a program during which a radio show host interviewed a psychologist about how best to work with people who are experiencing emotional pain. The psychologist had recently completed an extended visit to Joplin, MO, where tornadoes recently took the lives of 140 people and destroyed many more homes.

As I listened to the psychologist’s advice, it occurred to me that his recommendations are relevant to interns, summer associates and new hires who, not that they've started work, may encounter co-workers suffering through their own personal disasters, ranging from the loss of a parent or child to the loss of a job. If you are one of those employees, keep in mind the following:

1. Recognize that every individual possesses unique needs. A reaction that leaves one person feeling supported may feel intrusive to someone else. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you may not know what any one person needs. Consider asking, “How can I best help you,” or “What do you need to hear from me in order to know that I care about you and how you feel?”

2. Let people feel what they feel. Life events evoke a broad range of emotions. No one should be denied the opportunity to feel distress, anger or sadness. In fact, fully experiencing those feelings may lead to genuine growth opportunities. Telling someone who is clearly unhappy to “Cheer up,” is unhelpful and will likely produce a negative response.

3. Listen with an open mind and heart. Let your co-worker share their thoughts and feelings without interruption. Encourage them to continue talking by saying, “I’m here for you,” or “My heart goes out to you.”

4. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or solutions. People in distress generally wish to be heard. Make sure your actions communicate, “I see you; I hear you; and I validate your feelings.” Offering solutions, no matter how well intentioned, may be unwanted.

5. If appropriate and welcome, offer a hug or shoulder to cry upon. Human touch can be both powerful and healing.
 
 

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