Time for Tolerance
Just before the Thanksgiving break, I spoke to a group of new associates at one of the Palo Alto law firms. In the Q and A period that typically follows one of our business etiquette programs, a young male associate asked, “How do I handle the situation in which I don’t feel comfortable traveling alone with a female firm lawyer? How do I communicate this without sounding like a Rube?”
The question initially left me a bit confused. In fact, I didn’t understand the real thrust of his inquiry until the associate spoke with me one-on-one afterwards. He is a practicing Mormon, and the tenets of that faith provide that a man should not be alone with a woman other than his wife. The associate was concerned with how he could follow the dictates of his faith without offending others, especially female peers and clients, in his office.
I shared with the associate my belief that we all share the obligation to follow our personal moral and religious beliefs. The trick is to make sure we do this in a manner that neither offends nor requires others to jump through impossible to manage hoops. So, if, for example, I was keeping kosher, I might check with the person who orders meals for office functions and inquire whether some kosher foods could also be ordered. If the answer is “yes,” I would thank that person for any extra effort they invest in ordering special food for me. If the answer is “no,” I would make sure to provide my own kosher foods, which I would eat during or after the office event.
To the male associate, I urged him to tell people within his office about the requirements of his religion as quickly as possible. Others are far less likely to be offended when they know and understand the requirements of his faith.
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