The Touch Seen 'Round the World
Last week’s Republican debate is Las Vegas featured former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s reach-and-gab of current Texas Governor Rick Perry’s shoulder. Some have said the lengthy touch had no real meaning. Others have suggested that the prolonged incursion into a rival’s personal space dripped with condescension.
Whatever. Governor Romney’s action gives us the opportunity to address personal space etiquette.
Touching people. Whether we’re talking about a work or social event, it’s simply inappropriate to touch someone with whom you do not have a close personal tie. Keep in mind that touching is an expression of affection. Holding someone’s hand or shoulder communicates a very personal relationship. The exception to this rule is an old-fashioned handshake, which is almost always appropriate.
Standing too close. Culture dictates how comfortable we feel with someone who stands very close to us. In Japan, people are accustomed to being crammed into mass transit systems and standing very, very close is common. The same cannot be said about the NYC subway system, where riders actively seek ways to protect their private space. If you find others start to back away when you speak to them, you’re probably standing too close.
Rifling through another’s desk. Whether at work or at home, going through the contents of someone’s desk, laptop or smart phone is an invasion of another’s personal privacy. You should never do this without first obtaining permission. (I’ll make an exception for parents who do not need to seek permission to see what sites their children have visited on-line.)
Many, many years ago, before I attended my first dance, my mother sat me down and told me about her own “first dance” experience. Apparently, the nuns at her Catholic high school explained to all the young ladies that each any every one of them possessed an invisible box that began at their shoulders and ended at their knees. No one was to invade that box, the nuns said.
My mother told me she thought it was the silliest thing she had ever heard until that day. Then, she looked at me and said, “Mary Elizabeth, there’s a box around your body that begins at your shoulder and ends at your knees. No one is to invade that box.”
It’s a lesson that former Governor Romney as well as every intern, summer associate and new hire should keep in mind.
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