Things You Need to Know

Business Etiquette

Painfully Shy

September 09, 2007

After one recent program, a member of the audience approached me with a question. Before it was out of his mouth, I could have guessed the nature of his concern.

“When you have to go to one of these receptions,” he asked, “what do you do if you’re really shy?”

And why was I so certain this was the nature of his concern? The young man asked the entirety of his question without once making eye contact.

I can only begin to explain just how well I understood and appreciated the fear and trepidation that I heard in the young man’s voice. Though I expect few would guess it, I also am an extremely shy and introverted person. Though I know lots of people gain energy from the give and take of a networking event, for me, they deplete my energy quickly and thoroughly.

From one shy person to another, I shared with the young man some of the tricks I’ve used to become more comfortable at receptions and networking events, including:

It’s true. The more events you attend, the less intimidating they become. Make a commitment to attending one event a month. With practice not only will you become more comfortable and confident, you will also begin building an impressive network.
Before you head out to the event, develop three questions in your mind that you can ask anyone. How do you know the host? How long have you been a member of the organization? How many of these events do you attend every year? Ask questions that encourage other people to talk. By the way, there is a real advantage to asking lots of questions. The person who asks lots of questions and shows a genuine interest in the answers provided is often viewed as a great conversationalist.
Arrive at the event with a goal of meeting certain other people that you know are slated to attend the event. (By the way, this means you need to research the list of invitees ahead of time.) When you arrive at the event, confirm your “goal individuals” are in attendance. Then, seek them out and have your conversations with them. Until you are more comfortable with mingling, once you’ve met your goal people, consider yourself free to leave. Then, go somewhere quiet and recharge your battery.