Fierce Conversations

I have a habit of stopping by bookstores and purchasing armloads of books, and sometimes they sit on the shelves for months until one of them grabs my attention. So it was with the book Fierce Conversations, by Susan Scott. I bought it early last fall, but didn’t have a chance to read it until January. It had a profound impact on me.

Too often, Scott writes, we fail to talk about difficult issues. Whether at work or home, most of us avoid discussing certain topics, sometimes to preserve the peace, sometimes to preserve a relationship. But “The conversation is the relationship,” says Scott. When conversation stops, relationships deteriorate for lack of the very conversations everyone avoided.

Fierce conversations aren’t menacing or cruel. They are robust, intense, strong, even passionate, since all participants must come out from behind themselves to make it real.

Scott’s seven principles for a fierce conversation include the following:

1. Interrogate reality (recognize that we all see the world from different perspectives);
2. Come out from behind yourself and make the conversation real (stop pretending);
3. Be present (turn off your BlackBerry);
4. Tackle your toughest challenge today;
5. Obey your instincts (listen to your inner voice);
6. Take responsibility for your emotional wake (know that what you say and do impacts others); and
7. Let silence do the heavy lifting (silence allows for reflection).

I strongly recommend this book. Those of us who develop the courage to engage in fierce conversations will transform our workplaces and our lives.

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