Adieu Mademoiselle
Last week, the French government bid adieu to “mademoiselle.” In a memo addressed to state administrators across France, Prime Minister François Fillon ordered the honorific—the equivalent to “miss”—banished from official forms and registries. The use of “mademoiselle,” he wrote, made reference “without justification or necessity” to a woman’s “matrimonial situation,” whereas “monsieur” has long signified simply “sir.”
If you are starting work in the U.S., we follow these etiquette rules regarding social titles and honorifics:
1. Miss is typically reserved for a young lady of the age 18 or younger, though it is acceptable to use with a bride-to-be.
2. Ms. should be used as the honorific for all women over the 18, regardless of marital status. However, be aware of cultural and generational differences. In some parts of the country (read the South) and in some more formal environments (read old clubs), you will find that some women prefer to be addressed as “Mrs.” followed by their husband’s full name.
3. Ms. is the correct honorific to use in all business correspondence to women.
People with a Ph,D, may be addressed as “Doctor” in an academic setting. However, in a social setting, they should omit references to their degree and simply introduce themselves using their first and last names. A similar rule applies to CEOs. Sorry, if you are one, you don’t get to introduce yourself as “Chief.”
As to medical doctors, there’s a unique set of rules, which include the following:
1. When addressing a married couple and the husband is a physician, use Dr. and Ms. for example, “May I introduce Dr. and Ms. Doug Ross.”
2. When addressing a married couple and the wife is a physician, use Mr. and Ms., for example, “May I introduce Mr. and Ms. Doug Moss.” (I know, I think it’s wrong, too, but that’s the rule.)
3. When addressing a married couple and both are physicians, refer to both using the “Dr.” honorific, for example, “May I introduce Drs. Doug and Mary Ross.”
4. When addressing a married couple, both are physicians, and the wife has retained her former name, use, “May I introduce Dr. Mary Rather and Dr. Doug Ross.”
When addressing an unmarried couple and one partner is a physician OR both partners are physicians, use the rule immediately listed above.
If, at this point, you are utterly confused, just keep in mind that the use of someone’s first name is a privilege. When in doubt, always err on the side of formality over informality.
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