Summer Update

Is Rudeness the New Normal?

 

Maybe. Weber Shandwick and Powell Tate recently partnered with KRC Research to conduct their annual poll on Civility in America: A Nationwide Survey. The survey found that nearly two-thirds (63 percent) of respondents believe incivility remains a major problem.  Nearly three-quarters (71 percent) believe civility has declined in recent years, and 55 percent expect the decline to continue with politicians, political campaigns and government being mostly responsible for the problem.

 

Other survey findings include:

 

Only 17 percent of Americans have not experienced uncivil behavior in their own lives;

 

Our most frequent encounters with uncivil behavior occur while driving (60 percent) and shopping (49 percent); and

 

Some 34 percent of us experience uncivil behavior at work, while 28 percent of us must deal with it in our immediate neighborhoods.

 

All of which caused me to think of one of my newer clients. Actually, the Young Women’s Leadership Network technically is not a paying client. I was introduced to the all girls’ charter school located in East Harlem by a friend of a friend who was in search of someone who could teach basic manners to a group of high school students.

 

This is no ordinary high school and these are far from average students. Despite growing up in challenging environments—two of the young women arrived late for an etiquette dinner that I facilitated. When they later apologized, they explained that about the time they left for the dinner, a shooting had occurred in their neighborhood—every single one of the school’s students graduates and virtually all of the students go on to college. In most cases, the young women will be the first members of their family to attend college or university.

 

When I was first introduced to the school, an administrator explained that school leaders had surveyed the students to identify what additional skill sets they would like to acquire at school. It turned out the students’ number one request was for etiquette training. My surmise? The young women know what they don’t know, and they recognize that lack of knowledge can make a difference.

 

Those young women are hardly alone in wanting to master a business meal or navigate a networking event. In the past two months, I have lost count of the number of etiquette programs that I have conducted. (Actually, I never use the term “etiquette” in my programs, as I find it turns off some participants.) They included a sold out event at the Harvard Club in NYC, where more than 100 people showed up on a Friday evening to learn how to work a cocktail party and several other sessions conducted at law firms around the country. Just last week, a group of summer associates peppered me with questions: Who enters a revolving door first? When should I begin an e-mail with a salutation? When should I address someone using “Mr.” or “Ms.,” and when do I use a first name? When I’m attending a business meal, is it okay to eat everything on my plate?

 

All of which convinces me that our young people really want to know the rules of civil behavior.

 

If you seek a more civil workplace, look for managers who believe civility is critical and who demonstrate civility through their personal interactions. Do NOT look to social networking to help build a civil workplace. Though many managers think social networking can contribute to building the culture of an organization, according to a study commissioned by Deloitte LLP, only 27 percent of employees believe that social networking has a positive effect on workplace culture.

 

 

 

Would You Disconnect?

 

This is either scary or pathetic: The most talked about iPhone feature recently unveiled by Apple is not a new maps app or the long-awaited integration with Facebook. Rather, everyone is talking about the “Do Not Disturb” tool that, when activated, ensures a user’s phone still receives incoming calls, messages and other notifications, but won’t alert the user until later, keeping the iPhone’s screen dark, its vibrations still and its tones silent.

 

Can’t we achieve the same result simply by turning our darn smart phones off?

 

Yes, but it seems we don’t switch them off often enough. And it turns out, that’s not good for our health.

 

A new study has suggested that ignoring messages altogether can reduce stress by having a positive effect on the heart.  Researchers, who attached heart rate monitors to office workers, found employees remained in a state of “high alert” throughout the day if they had constant access to email. Among those who insisted they had permission to not check their messages for up to five days at a time, they had much healthier hearts.

 

It appears that constant connectivity forces our hearts to work at a steady, relatively fast beat because of continuous underlying stress. A constantly raised heart rate is known to lead to increased levels of the potentially damaging stress hormone, cortisol.

 

The study further found limiting access to e-mail might also boost workers’ concentration levels.

 

“In general,” one of the researchers found, “we’re happier interacting in person.”

 

 

 

A Suggestion

 

There’s no time like now to offer a new training program, and here’s one that won’t cost you a nickel:

 

 

Giving & Receiving Feedback

 

Providing useful feedback in a timely manner is critical to the development of your junior employees. Unfortunately, too many senior lawyers/employees say they’re too busy to undertake this task. You may not be able to change these established workers, but it’s not too early to start training for the future.

 

Before your summer associates or interns depart, why not undertake a quick lunch-and-learn with your junior employees and walk them through the a process for giving effective feedback. Then, ask them to schedule a few moments to provide feedback to the summer associates or interns with whom they worked. This will introduce your junior employees to a critically important skill set AND potentially prepare them for a future of providing loads of feedback.

 

 

 

 

Getting Families Involved

 

Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to facilitate a couple of unique “programs” that I absolutely enjoyed. In one case, someone who had participated in one of my “Rules of Engagement” programs asked if I would join his family one dinner to provide dining instruction to a high school son and an about-to-go-off to college daughter. It turned into one of the most enjoyable evenings I’ve spent with a client.

On another occasion, I was asked to facilitate an “etiquette dinner” for a group of first through third graders.

 

Heaven knows, I’ve always enjoyed working with graduate students and professionals. They are bright and challenging, and they keep me on my toes.  But helping a first grader master a dining room table presents its own pleasures.

 

Before school resumes, consider offering a sit-down meal at your office where lawyers and staff are encouraged to bring their children. The parents will love you. The children will have fun AND learn something. You’ll be a hero for the day!

 

All in all, it wouldn’t be a bad way to end the summer.  Hope you have a happy one!